Maybe i am destined to be sad....perhaps i was born to be depressed....i don't know coz whatever i do in my life i never seem to do things right. There's always something i had done which is remorseful and each time i blame myself for it..well, it's but natural to feel that way. I never do things correctly. The people who care for me can always tell me " i told you so & by then it's already too late". I now think "mistake" is my twin,it never leaves me.
I find it unfair on my part though...that when somebody else does something to hurt me to the fullest, i can live with it, i forgive and try so much to forget...yet when i err, i am made to realize how detestful i am and i bring the feeling with me 24/7, it bores into my being and makes me aware what kind of person i am. Maybe i havent done a single good deed in my life coz no one remembers?
In all honesty, i used to be a happy-go-lucky,life-of-the-party,carefree kinda person....i dunno why im turning into a sad, irrational, depressed individual i am now.
I know i need prayers but i fail to constantly do it....i just wanna rest from all these...life is so unfair to me...yet i know im not supposed to grumble and complain....i dont have the peace of mind & yet i feel i deserve everything that has happened to me....sometimes i wanna cease to exist...i am really tired.
I know i need prayers but i fail to constantly do it....i just wanna rest from all these...life is so unfair to me...yet i know im not supposed to grumble and complain....i dont have the peace of mind & yet i feel i deserve everything that has happened to me....sometimes i wanna cease to exist...i am really tired.
meg havana
19 aug 06
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