free at last

i'm almost done with my transfers...i can't wait to finish it so that i can now focus on writing here...and today even though im not yet done with it i decided to write something to just blurt out how i feel...
i don't see myself as really depressed because i still want to be alive. my feeling recently is that of anger and this feeling that i am the most stupidest person alive. everything that went on in my life this past year concerning a guy was a mistake, and i realized it to the fullest only yesterday. i met this guy on the internet more than a year ago. we became friends over the net and he proposed something to me which initially i had refused but in the long run i agreed probably because it was too good an offer and i grabbed the opportunity especially since i haven't been to a foreign country. so i went and in the process i fell for him. little did i know (which, to me, is the most idiotic thing i did), that he is not the guy i thought he was. he, being younger than me, is so fond of girls and i did not know beforehand that he had romantic relations with some of them, some he already met,others only online. all the while i thought he worshipped the ground i walked on, but the more i think about it, the more i got convinced that he was just using me to his advantage. there were already signs that he was a total jerk but i was blinded. he did things i never thought a guy could to a woman he said he loves. i was so oblivious to the fact that one girl even went to his place, just like what i did, and he toured him to the sites we went to...it was the last straw...when i saw the pictures accidentally, i just realized right there and then that he really is not the one for me...i am now awakened from that nightmare and im so glad i woke up still intact. i swear to myself i will never talk to the guy again, not even become friends with him ever. i know he needs me for his schemes but no siree, i am not allowing myself to be used anymore. i know someday someone is still gonna love me and someday someone is going to take his place...and when that time comes i'll have the last laugh..i won't even miss him anymore. im done and over with....and i am finally free!