worries & fears

this has been in my thoughts day in and day out since late last week. it is even eating me up but i dare not confide to anyone my true feelings. My feelings of sadness, worries and guilt. my sister had been complaining of abdominal pain and symptoms that something is wrong with her but i just took it as nothing. although she never told me anything about getting real sick and that her menses had stopped since late last year, i still have feelings of guilt for not being able to take care of her condition early on. right now, her ultrasound showed a very huge mass on her right ovary with multiple uterine myomas. as one who works in the medical field i should have a clinical eye of what has been happening to her but i feel that i neglected that. And now,my guilt stems from the fact that it might be cancer and if it was there late last year then it probably is too big now to be curable when i couldve diagnosed it myself early on. it saddens me so much because my sister is nowhere like me.although she is our eldest but she doesnt act like she is. she is very indecisive and very weak. it pains me to see her looking so afraid and so worried about her condition. i sometimes ask God to just let her be healthy because i cant bear to see her sick and everyone in my family for that matter. id rather have what they have because i know i will be able to endure the pain and anguish and anxiety that one expects from a person with an illness. I ask the Lord to give me the strength to accept whatever the diagnosis and to have the strength to tell her. i am so depressed with regards to this but i dare not let my family see how worried i am. i know they are relying on me for almost everything including strength and confidence and i cannot let them down. at times, i want to give up, it just stresses me out, this life...i dont want anyone in my family to be ill..i want them all to be healthy...id rather be the one to get sick than them and i do mean it.
my problems nowadays are just surmounting...my worries are eating me up i don't know if i can survive another day from too much thinking and worrying. my lovelife is a mess, and i cannot even patch it up, one of my bosses got mad at me for something neglected to do which truly is my fault and i still do not have the guts to approach him and ask for an apology...i know this is but small as compared to what others might have endured..but it is just eating me up and i am so so down.