on being a hundred

And so it goes that without hubs, i am bored to death! I used to be so excited and passionate with work but as time went by, my eagerness has waned. At this point i am only waiting for that day when i can finally go and start anew where he is. It used to be that i got addicted to pumping iron, and to top that i only consumed crackers day in and day out. Yep, a health buff with unhealthy practices. When i reached my ideal,which to others wasn't really that ideal when they see me physically, i went as low as 85 lbs and boy,was i so confident with myself at that time some 7 yrs ago. But times change, i lapsed and quit and i slowly ballooned to a whopping 100. And people still say " oh that's fine, you look great! ". Yet i believe otherwise. and so i lost my confidence. Sometimes i feel so low, i regret having quitted and thought how did i ever let this happen to me? So today i have decided i need to do something and i need to sweat again. It is my first day going back to the gym. It felt great to be lifting again but it still remains to be seen. I now realize, the excitement is really no longer around. I dont really know how to shift gears now and i bet I am going to struggle just for this to continue. I have to think positive all the time that i can do this and most especially that i am doing this for my own good! Hoping and praying!