twenty 5th

nothing much is going on.chilling alone at the coffee shop waiting for a text from my friend who wants to go out tonight. im never a day person so as usual, i woke up late and did nothing. gone were those days when i scramble out of bed,hop into the shower, dress up to go to work and spend the rest of the day in front of the table, loving the smell of burnt flesh, embracing the sound of hissing of the suction machine as it helps in drying up the field and cleaning it up of wasted blood. since late 2008, cases are dwindling and im no longer on stage all the time for reasons i have decided i will not delve into anymore. i still do love it though and im always wishing im back on track, on stage, with no cares about what’s going on in the outside world but nowadays i feel lost and i deem that i dont belong and i realized i never really did. anyways, this is my routine these days. i sleep in most of the time and just spend the morning doing nothing but tinker on my pc, sometimes playing games,other times facebooking. yes, it is mundane! so i go to the hospital after having my brunch and make my rounds if i am lucky to have patients. i feel rusty, oilless, incompetent,unsuccessful. at times, i try to fight but most times i just give in and resign to this fate. if not for drew, i would have been so depressed but thanks to him, at least i have something to look forward to every single day. yes i still have cases but theyre not as challenging as when i was still in training and i long for those days when i feel so exhausted at the end of the day i can sleep standing up. just like today, same thing happened,i woke up,had brunch,drove to work,made rounds,sit at my clinic,met 5 patients and then mulled over whether i would go home directly or stay first at the coffee shop. and obviously, the latter won. its such a good thing that a friend texted and invited me out tonight,after all, it is a friday and i should not be home so early to just think about what i am doing with my life nowadays then somehow feel low for not doing anything with my life nowadays. i wish i could start afresh. i wish i could go somewhere where i belong and live happily ever after. but i dont despair, because i know someday soon these wishes will come true. but just for today, im just breezing through, spending hours being idle and although i am really beginning to get sick of this but this is my life as of today. at least i am still breathing which is something i should be thankful for.who knows what tomorrow will bring me!