mama's day

today is my mom's birthday. shameful on my part coz i don't really know how old she is now..it's not that i have no interest in knowing nor is it that i forgot because i do not care..it's just that she is getting older,in fact, my old folks are in their late 70s...it may be fearsome to think about it but i know i have to face reality soon..and this is probably the reason why i tend not to remember my mother's age, not that i forgot her birthday...of course not. Our family is never that very close knit type. We seldom kiss or hug, we never say love yous to each other yet i feel that we love each other very much minus the expression. I can even feel that i'm distant to them because my butt is always at work and i really do not openly express my love for each and everyone of them but God knows how much i value their presence in my life. I feel i have to be seen as a tough, strong member of our family so much so that i keep my problems private,keep them to myself and try not to bother them with it and maybe this is one thing which makes me seem distant. When i am home or when i'm with them, i always put up a happy face like i'm enjoying life so much yet they do not know that i may have problems too which at times are really unbearable. Just like these days, honestly i am so crushed,so depressed and sad yet i never show it. my problems are my own, they need not know and get bothered by it.
Anyway, my day today is just a typical day at work. Tiring yet fulfilling. Demanding yet exciting. I thank my work for this,coz if i do not enjoy what i do then i'd probably be sulking in a corner now wallowing in self pity but my work puts my worries away. I shouldn't be grumbling. After all, i have the two most essential ingredients of surviving...family and job. And i have the Lord to thank for that!